Headlines.

Why is it that the writers in all corners of the Earth try their hardest to catch your attention with the least amount of words as humanly possible? All while still considering it a legitimately complete sentence. Why? Because it's catchy as shit and we're all as dumb as the goldfish we had as pets when we were kids, that's why. I'll admit that even I have been hoodwinked by a catchy title in my day. Just today I was dumbfounded by what appeared (to me) to be another lame C movie plotline, but oh no! It was real. The headline read "Remains of 2 people found in trash bags" which immediately made me go 'NUH UHHH'. This particular headline wasn't even that cut up. The rest of the headline read "in New Jersey, officials say". My first thought is 'well, that explains the smell.' up until that minute little tidbit resurfaced on my brain. Officials say? Did you seriously need officials to say what you can obviously see and smell with your own orifices?

Ladies and gentlemen, I find that this nonsensical rigmaroll has been going on for faaaar tooooo looooooong. How exactly are we benefitting from those two words? Are people going to read the article in disbeleif and say 'no way, that could not have happened. I mean, come on, where are the officials?'. Jesahovas, that's as bad as the population of journalists and otherwise intelligent people having to use the word allegedly when we know they did it. We know O.J. killed his wife. We know Tiger had sex with all those women. WE KNOW CATHOLIC PREISTS TOUCH ALTER BOYS. I know what the real problem is, though, it's the fact that this whole planet is so moneyhungry that they'll find the slightest hole to sue the shit out of you. I'm no saint myself, but isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins?

Well, now that I've pitterpattered around the original topic, I think I'll leave you with one final thought. Headlines are like one night stands. Sure, they can be fun or exciting or maybe even sound like a good idea; however, when you open it up and get that first repugnant whif? It's already too late.

Moral of the story: allegedly, "there isn't one," officials say.

The first of a downpour?

In the world of blogging, there are those that conform to the popular opinion and there are those who form their own. You're about to delve into a mind that is completely of the latter. Certainly, there will be times where my opinion isn't far off from what is widely beleived to be the acceptable norm; however, more often than not, you're going to get a House-esque responce that just might make you think about whatever it is that's being widely discussed. Furthermore, since this blog will most likely be a misplaced ink splotch in the fabric of the world wide web for some time to come (perhaps even forever), the posts won't inquire too far into what the readers feel or beleive. This isn't to say that I don't welcome your critiques, opinions, and everything in-between. It's just to say that this will be but a venting point for me to rant and rave about absolutely anything that comes to mind. With that being said, it is my hope to bring this blog to the light of day and expose myself to the world in efforts of putting my name out there in the long term.

If you don't know me, you'd have no idea that I'm a longtime writer with aspirations of becoming a stand-up comedian out of Sacramento. In our current economic state, on top of my unemployment, it only seems right to pass some of the otherwise mundane moments of my life (sometimes) pandering to the social inequities that might slip through the cracks of someone else's fingers. So, in essence, this first blog is just to tell you that I'm just another opinionated jackhole who will use all the wit in his repertoire to make you think, laugh, or maybe just inform.

Until then, this was the world's most unknown Flipocrite...