Headlines.

Why is it that the writers in all corners of the Earth try their hardest to catch your attention with the least amount of words as humanly possible? All while still considering it a legitimately complete sentence. Why? Because it's catchy as shit and we're all as dumb as the goldfish we had as pets when we were kids, that's why. I'll admit that even I have been hoodwinked by a catchy title in my day. Just today I was dumbfounded by what appeared (to me) to be another lame C movie plotline, but oh no! It was real. The headline read "Remains of 2 people found in trash bags" which immediately made me go 'NUH UHHH'. This particular headline wasn't even that cut up. The rest of the headline read "in New Jersey, officials say". My first thought is 'well, that explains the smell.' up until that minute little tidbit resurfaced on my brain. Officials say? Did you seriously need officials to say what you can obviously see and smell with your own orifices?

Ladies and gentlemen, I find that this nonsensical rigmaroll has been going on for faaaar tooooo looooooong. How exactly are we benefitting from those two words? Are people going to read the article in disbeleif and say 'no way, that could not have happened. I mean, come on, where are the officials?'. Jesahovas, that's as bad as the population of journalists and otherwise intelligent people having to use the word allegedly when we know they did it. We know O.J. killed his wife. We know Tiger had sex with all those women. WE KNOW CATHOLIC PREISTS TOUCH ALTER BOYS. I know what the real problem is, though, it's the fact that this whole planet is so moneyhungry that they'll find the slightest hole to sue the shit out of you. I'm no saint myself, but isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins?

Well, now that I've pitterpattered around the original topic, I think I'll leave you with one final thought. Headlines are like one night stands. Sure, they can be fun or exciting or maybe even sound like a good idea; however, when you open it up and get that first repugnant whif? It's already too late.

Moral of the story: allegedly, "there isn't one," officials say.